Sunday, 22 February 2015

The best disguise


'What is wrong with you??Why have you become so irritable these days?It seems like you're a totally different person now you know...I'm finding it difficult to even relate to you....."
Blah..blah...blah....

She just wouldn't stop...would she??He wondered to himself.Yes,their relationship had become weird.And neither of them knew what was going wrong. Rather,what had gone wrong.From what he remembered, they had been happy together for more than 2 years now. But as the third year of their relationship started drawing up,things were beginning to get a little shaky.

Vinay wondered what was he doing wrong that was irking Riya so much.What was this new found obsession with 'not being able to relate to me'? "Did I suddenly grow fangs or something?"

He was getting tired of this constant banter between the two of them.They loved each other.Yet,they both knew that the love they wanted,was nowhere even near.

"I don't know what to do about Vinay!", Riya told her best friend Neha."He's becoming a bit difficult to handle.He keeps telling me he's busy and he doesn't bother calling or even texting!He's even stopped appreciating the things that I buy for him. If I make a plan,he doesn't want to be a part of it.
I don't know what's wrong.I think he doesn't love me anymore.."
"Relax Ri...I'm sure he must be overworked or something.Just give him sometime...He'll come round."

That night Vinay texted Riya saying that he was sorry for putting her through so much trouble and that he felt both of them needed a break from each other.Something was wrong,he needed to figure it out.He needed time.He was requesting her. Riya didn't know what to do.She agreed to give him the break he needed.
                                      --------------------------------------------------------------
Almost two months later,Riya received a text fromVinay asking her to meet him at their favorite coffee shop on the coming Sunday at 6pm.

As always,Riya was there dot on time.Strangely,Vinay was late.It was 6.30 when he strolled in.Riya was quite surprised to see him.The usual prim and proper Vinay,now sported a stubble. He was dressed as if he couldn't care less about his clothes!

"Hi!,he said. "Hi Vinay..wow!one month away from me and you're a totally different guy!"
'Yup!you're right Riya.Coffee order karen?Phir baat karte hain.

"Ok.Excuse me!She called out to the waiter."We'd like to have  two cappuccinos please.."
"No..mere liye hot chocolate."Vinay interrupted."Oh,but you always take cappucino na..."
"Used to...never liked it frankly," Vinay said sheepishly.

The waiter took the order and went away leaving an awkward silence between the two of them.

"What's the deal Vinay?Kuch bolna hai toh bolo na...I'm quite stressed out by this whole 'break thing!"And what's with the new look..the hot chocolate..new girlfriend bhi hai kya?that's why all this change?"Riya was getting angry.

"Kissi girlfriend ke liye nahi,apne liye..' uttered Vinay.

"But you weren't like this at all!Riya spoke..utterly confused.

"How would you know?I only showed you what I thought you would like to see in me..in your boyfriend.Not who I really was. Riya...you're a wonderful girl and I love you..with all your quirks and craziness.But I always felt you wanted a different me...I didn't want to lose you.For the first time,I genuinely wanted to be the best guy you could be with.The easiest way was to disguise myself as 'Riya's Vinay-who's on time,who dresses up nicely,never says no to you,your choices are his choices...But I realised,I was always 'your Vinay',not 'Vinay'..the person I actually am.

Riya was shocked.She listened without saying a word. Vinay thought he had lost her.He knew her silence is worse than the cappucino he so hates!While he was figuring out his next big move,he noticed Riya doodling on a tissue paper.When she was done,she showed it to him.

It had two caricatures of Vinay-one looked prim & proper and unhappy.She had named him "Riya's Vinay".The other one looked messy yet happy and she had named him "Riya loves Vinay'.

Vinay smiled from ear to ear.He held her hand with a lesson learnt-the best way in which you can disguise yourself is 'to be yourself'.

#This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.#

Thursday, 12 February 2015

Change doesn't change

I'm sure there are many of us(like me!), who aren't quite fond of change.

First,it takes you a while to slip into a comfort zone and just when you're about to doze off..another one comes knocking on the door!

Just like everything else in life,change also comes with it's 'goodie bags' as well as the 'not so good things'.

And sometimes,even the good things are enough to throw us off. Sometimes,the fear of losing the good things (sooner or later) or the fact that they won't last too long,is enough to create a turmoil.
So,we think it's better not to embrace any kind of change at all.Let the good things pass..
They're going to be replaced/taken over by the devils anyway. :O

It's not about change being good or bad. Change is change.It just means that a part of you,your life or may be the whole of it won't be the same. Good/bad is subjective.

Everything in life is debatable-even existence!

But the simple fact is,that good or bad,we all love to be in our comfort zones.We like the feeling of being calm and still like water. And we don't like any stones to create ripples and disturb our peace.

Not only is this true for ourselves, it's true for others as well.We're all used to everyone thinking, feeling and behaving in certain ways. The moment they decide to do things differently, it causes us to get anxious.

And more often than not,we don't even bother about why something is happening. The fact is that it's happening.The fact also is,that it's uncomfortable for us. Therefore,we want things to stay still.

Yet,just like change is inevitable;change is also the only constant. It keeps occurring.There's nothing you can do about it. You can't stop things from changing.Life is dynamic.We have to keep moving on-sometimes willingly and sometimes the current takes you  exactly where you're supposed to be.

After all,change doesn't change.

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Hello to me!


We are so busy earning, partying, running behind people, chasing our dreams ferociously; that by the time we get to these 'achievements'..life has already slipped by.

Living in our hi-tech bubbles, we seem to have this endless sense of time for everything else, but ourselves.

Seriously,this 'me' time...is it only confined to shopping, movies, partying,etc.? Of course you are in a relaxed mood! -away from the hustle-bustle of your daily life,your nagging problems. But is 'being away' or "blocking those unwanted thoughts"  enough?

Of course it's enough! Just enough to let you slip into your little delusional world, where these problems and thoughts, don't seem to exist.

But the fact is that they do.

Just because you close your eyes, you don't see the world; doesn't mean that the world can't see you.

The best part of this 'me time' is , that the world can see your problems ,can read through your pretense and sooner or later finds a way to penetrate this so called 'wall'.

This wall which in essence, is transparent.

Sometimes,we need to be a little more than 'just fair' to ourselves. Sometimes, we need to spend some time with those thoughts, issues and problems, that we are simply trying to avoid or postpone.

Whether it's an issue with our parents, our siblings,friends,spouse or something not really going our way at work or in a relationship etc.; we do need to sit down with these thoughts and work our way through them.

An effective 'me time' would only be so effective, if we are able to break out of these self created shells, get out of our blankets and see things as they really are.

Is it easy to confront our fears,weaknesses and the so called 'loopholes' in our thinking pattern? No.
And it's made more difficult by the fact, that we hardly ever let our mind wander into these forbidden territories.

Time over time,we learn more and more ways to blanket our issues.We find more and more ways to run away from them, build more and more walls of defense. But seldom do we realize, that when these walls break; and that too suddenly..we are the ones who have a tear in our eye.

I guess more than sometimes,we owe a fundamental process of discovery,growth and development to ourselves .A process that no school, college, institution can teach us.

A process that can only stem from within...when we are ready for ourselves.
                                                                 
Damini Grover

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Because I said so!



I say so!
There are very few people in our lives,who are actually concerned with our needs and desires.There are very few moments and occasions,which make us feel special.For every such person and occasion,there are plenty of others,who are more concerned with their own selves.

We all have our own personalities,realities and perceptions.Yet, we are 'supposed to' do those things,that others deem fit for us.

It's a mindless activity and we all feel compelled to be a part of it.I don't know why we are brought up with the notion, that others are more important than us.It's ingrained in us, to forego the things that mean something to us,for the 'sake' of others.

Who are these others? Family members,friends,class mates,colleagues,bosses...
Why do they matter so much? Why do we have to compromise for someone else's comfort?
More importantly,why is our 'self' tied to that of someone else?

Strangely,we enjoy wrapping ourselves up in conditions.We also like to pass on these gifts to our children,family members,friends etc.Because that's what we have been taught and we know nothing better.

We live in contradictions.

Does it serve a purpose? Yes.

For whom?

For everyone else,but our own self. This 'self' that has to be hidden, in some remote recess of our mind.

Right from what we should eat to the person we should be marrying and even to the number of kids we should be having;it's all decided as per the norms and customs of the society.

A society that is made by the people,but not for the people.A society, that thrives on insecurity and fear of loneliness.

Picture this-you're unwell,cranky and just want to be on your own.There's a distant cousin's wedding that you have to attend.

Why? 
Because your parents are forcing you to go-just to show your face.

Why? 
Because if you don't go,then what will people think?It won't look nice!

Why won't it look nice?
Because other people(even unrelated ones)made the effort of attending this wedding.So it's your parents' and your 'societal' obligation to at least show your face!

What's even better is, the fear that no one will turn up at your own wedding function!

Wow!Such an amazing logic!

Did I mention you were unwell?

It's amazing to see all the logic and reason in the world, simply fly out of the window. As if,it entered the wrong brain!

I'm yet to figure out the kind of pleasure and satisfaction we receive, when we make someone do something.
Moreover, what good does cutting yourself piece by piece,for the people you love serve?

True love doesn't demand sacrifice. Love never said that if you destroy your wishes,desires,needs and wants,you will be loved unconditionally.

If it's true love,it is unconditional.Love my be blind.But it's certainly not sadistic!

Yet,we fail to understand that.We believe(or like to)  that we know what's the best for our loved ones.
Is it?
If it were true,parents wouldn't force their choices down their kids' throat and have them think, that their life is crap.
If it were true,we wouldn't make unreasonable demands from our loved ones.

The fact of the matter is,that more often than not,we don't know what's best for us.

We all are a part of a vicious societal cycle.We base our choices and decisions on past precedents.Someone has already done or said something.It's easier to follow, that to find your own path.Right?

We study all 'safe subjects' because like everyone else,we want a 'secure future'.We marry at the 'right age' because everyone else has done that.We host 'have to' events and attend them too!

We forget we have a life.We forget we have our own wants and needs.We forget ourselves,because someone else is more important than us.We put situations and people on a pedestal and then complain about the struggle that ensues.

Being selfish is not correct.Yet,being self-interested is.


#This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.#

There might not be a 'tomorrow'..


 There might not be a 'tomorrow'..

There is something strange about this phenomenon called 'life'.

Some people say it's too short.Some say it's a long road ahead.Clearly, life is not something to be measured in hours,years or kilometers..

Then what do you do with it?Well,you just live it.And living life is not easy.

It's not about having or not having 'things' or 'people' or 'experiences' to lead a fulfilling life.Life is complete in itself  ,because it encapsulates our existence.We're not here because we have a list of people to love,list of things to complete,journeys to undertake,achievements to be achieved.

Life is so much more..

And everyday we wake up thinking that there will be another day,another tomorrow where we would be able to do all the things we couldn't do today.

What if that tomorrow doesn't come one day?

What will happen to that big list that we keep drawing up day after day? It'll all be meaningless.

It can happen to anyone. As I write this,I wonder what would actually happen if there were no me...

What would happen if I lost someone really close to me...?

What would happen if there is no tomorrow that I'm waiting for?

May be not much.

Yet,what I can and need to do,is to make my today a little more meaningful by doing those things, that I've not yet had the courage to even initiate.

I fight with my parents a lot.Sometimes they don't understand me and sometimes I don't. There are times,when I don't even speak to them properly.I feel victimized when I'm scolded for things. But, I have never thanked them for the efforts and sacrifices that they've made. I haven't appreciated them enough,for all the times they've shielded me, guided me, tolerated my misbehavior. Like most children, I too take my parents for granted. I buy them birthday and anniversary cards and gifts.I write big words and phrases in those..Yet,I never say them.

And as soon as I finish writing this, I'm going to give my parents a giant bear-hug. I'll tell them that I love them a lot.We'll get lost in our mundane lives tomorrow. But before the dawn breaks,I'll tell them how much they mean to me.

Tomorrow,is a funny day.We plan so much without realizing,that we're actually stuck in yesterday.
What happened in the past,indeed affects the present. But no one has ever said that the past has to carry on up to the future. A common mistake that most of us make.Somehow, the past has this mesmerizing effect on us.We simply can't let go!

Although,sometimes we have to.Life's not about holding on.It's about living,experiencing and moving on.And we don't really have to do it all alone!We like to keep our hurt,anger,disappointments and betrayal too close to our hearts.These emotions clog the heart and fill it with more and more unwanted filth.

I don't want it.And I'm not going to look for opportunities to forgive the people who have wronged me.I'm not going to wait for them to come round and realize what they've done. Life is too short to hold onto the bad stuff and too long to relish the good stuff!

Today,I forgive all those who hurt me.Tomorrow could be too late.What if my heart gets completely clogged?!

My bucket list would be completely meaningless,if I don't thank and forgive myself.

I live.I experience so much.Sometimes I'm too hard on myself.Sometimes I am surprised by me!

I am an integral part of my own life!To forget that,would be unfair.Do I know where I will be tomorrow?What will I be doing?
Perhaps not.

What I do know, is that I am important for my own life.Today,I thank myself for hanging on a little more.Today,I forgive myself for the mistakes I've made.I'm just human and I can err sometimes.

And all this needs to be done now.

There might not be a perfect tomorrow..

#“This post is a part of the #SecondChance activity at BlogAdda in association with MaxLife Insurance”.#