Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Have and want : two sides of the same coin

One look at our lives(and I don't mean to generalize),and all I get to see,hear and feel is the throbbing of these things called 'have tos'.I have to finish this,I have to do this,I have to pick her up,I have to go there etc'.
It's good in a way,that our life is quite organised.We don't really 'have to' plan anything voluntarily,out of a sheer want or desire for them(you're lucky if you're on the other side of this!).

But on the flip side,it's really not that fun or interesting.Come to think of it,it doesn't even do anything for us,except keeps a check on the things that need to be done.
Are needs enough to sustain a quality life?Should life be a totally hand -to-mouth kind of a thing?

I don't know...and even if I did,I wouldn't endorse this view.We are as important as the world.After all,we make the world.The world doesn't make us.

If we have a huge list of 'shoulds,musts,haves' etc; well,someone created it in the first place.And lets not get God in the picture. 

So who is that someone?Again,a regular breathing,eating,drinking,working person-just like us.
You know what's important at work, for your boss or client, because someone told you, how things are done in the workplace and for the target person.

You know picking up your mother-in-law from the station/airport etc is utterly important because your wife/husband made it pretty clear that, it is.

It's a cycle.It goes on.But the fact also is,that it can end.And a new cycle of 'I want,I wish,I like' can begin if we understand that.

I'm not advocating a radical approach.I'm not saying that 'whatever needs to be done,is not important.I'm not saying that we should always have an 'I dont care' sort of attitude.
I'm simply saying,that while we are getting busier by the day,in just fulfilling requirements,including our own,we're forgetting the fact that there is a part of us that just simply wants or doesn't want to do something.A part that likes or doesn't like some things.
Wants will always clash with needs.
You may not 'want' to do something that someone else 'needs' or 'wants'  to be done.

It's just natural.

Yet,burying your own self every time,to achieve no greater good in the end,is not always the 'smart' thing to do.

One of the major reasons we feel that life is spread out is our inability to accommodate everything that surrounds us.However,we don't need to accommodate everything.

It's about balancing and filtering.So if some people around us are a bit happier than us(due the inadvertent comparison that we end up engaging in!),is probably because they are able to do a bit of both-what they have to and what they want to!

An absolutist approach towards anything is perhaps not the best.Balance is the key.

Getting out of your responsibilities,obligations,duties,compulsions is not possible-at all,at any point in life.However, adding a dash of what you really want to do-with or without any measurable result would give you that extra space to breathe :)

Just like how in school,we used to enjoy those sports and activity periods.Whether or not we were productive at those times,those were the moments that we always looked forward to.

Life will always be a never ending school.It will have its own time-table,things will have to be learnt,mistakes made and corrected,exam days and months,results will matter,duties will have to be discharged.But,we would also have some sunshine moments..where we do things we want to...and of course,you can always bunk and skip school..if you want to! ;)

Just for your own little bit of space to breathe...:)

--Damini Grover