The gift of conditions

The gift of conditions

There is a purpose behind everything that you do, you are made to do...there is a learning behind it. A lesson that is supposed to stay with you, throughout your life.


Every time we end up losing something close to our heart, it breaks us-physically,mentally,emotionally.We feel as if things are just never going to be the same again.But what we fail to realize is ,that overtime, this loss ends up making us stronger than before.This strength need not be very obvious to us or to others. But something inside us changes.


Every time we do something that we dislike, hate or do out of mere obligation; it also brings out a different side to us. Many a times I do things for the sake of them. Its only afterwards that I realize, that may be consciously,I would have never done them. And if, that were to be the case,I would have never ended up helping someone. Better still,feeling good about the fact that I could make a difference in somebody else’s life.


There are lessons and small learnings everywhere around us. But there is just one thing that keeps us from grasping them-conditions.


“if this happens, then only I will feel good’


“if it doesn't go my way, what will I do”


“if I have to work with him/her, it’ll be a mess”


As it is there are these unknown conditions attached to life, to the very act of living. And here we are, adding more and more of them to make our lives even more miserable.


Every time we say or think something negative about ourselves, we attach an unsaid condition, that becomes more and more difficult to satisfy. Every time we tell ourselves “I am fat”,‘I don’t look good’ or ‘I am a loser’we are unconsciously telling ourselves, that “if i lose weight or look in a particular manner’, I would be more happy’ or ‘if I achieve this,then only I will be of some worth’.But its not true and somewhere we know that. Because happiness is not a state of ‘appearance’,its a state of mind.So we can do things that make us happy, feel good and our purpose will still be achieved.


In reverse, we can set goals for ourselves. We can simply say “I want to lose weight’ , “I want look better’ or “I want to achieve this’.


Its just a matter of rephrasing thoughts and words. By telling ourselves that if we behave in a particular way, then something would or wouldn’t happen, doesn’t spell out the fact that it is going to happen. These conditions are endless. I can keep adding more and more to every possibility.


We just keep winding ourselves up in this web of confusion. This web of conditions-that only limits us, stops us from achieving the goal we were meant to achieve or can achieve, by simply putting it up as a goal.


To add a bit of psychology, yes, these conditionals are something that we grow up with. A small statement like “if you do well, I will give you a chocolate’ can go a long way. Gradually these chocolates get replaced with bigger toys, gadgets, accessories, luxury items and sooner or later, our own sense of self worth and pride gets attached to them.


It’s as if we end up objectifying ourselves.


But the fact of the matter is, that even fulfilling these conditions-big or small, may or may not change us or inspire us for the better. Of course, those that do are good. But the only problem with them is, that they find a way to create these tiny black holes in our minds.


For conditions are addictive. They find their way from our waking state to our unconscious wishes and desires.


May be for once, we can try and not attach them to ourselves.May be we could try and talk in terms of goal states and wants and wishes, which not only set the ball rolling in one direction; but also guarantee an outcome. Somehow we are a little more prepared for the eventuality,when we can see both sides of the coin.


But every time I say ‘if this happens or doesn’t happen,then...” not only am I looking at both sides,but I am actually,unconsciously fearing for the opposite.And fear and anxiety ,probably,will never be our best friends.


Damini Grover